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CHILD DEVELOPMENT AND ATTACHMENT
GRIEF AND LOSS FOR CHILDREN IN FOSTER CARE
. . . provides temporary stability until a lifelong home for the child is achieved.
Children’s Services agencies, particularly those mandated to protect children, have the responsibility to assure that their actions on behalf of the child cause as little harm as possible. In order to minimize the harm, the agency must step back from its organizational perspective and look at the situation through the eyes of the child. Looking through the eyes of the child results in planning that involves:
When children must be removed from their homes, regardless of their experience within that home, they experience loss of the familiar and expected. Placement with familiar relatives or other kin, within the same school district, and within proximity to the family helps to make their transition to that placement less traumatic. The agency should immediately assess alternative placement resources with the family, even if the initial plan is to maintain the child in the home. The agency should also plan and focus on maintaining one single, stable placement for the child when a child must be removed from home.
This section includes an overview on:
Initially, all children have the same basic needs. For the majority of those children, these needs are met by their family from birth. For some children, the birth family either cannot or will not meet these basic needs. When that happens, we must assure that while we are concerned with safety, we are also concerned that these basic needs are being met. Children need:
A child’s sense of identity and worth grow out of nurturing and commitment. A child is able to attach when his needs for care and stimulation are met and he is nurtured. A child bonds and develops self esteem when he is involved in a continuous reciprocal relationship with an appropriate caregiver, and is able to count on the commitment of that person.
For the most part, children will meet and pass through a number of developmental stages in their life. Most children will accomplish the same tasks. However, each child will approach the task in their own unique way. The child’s personality, physical abilities, and other individual attributes will impact the way he approaches and reflects each stage in his development.
It is the responsibility of the parent to create an environment that encourages the child to achieve his full physical, intellectual, and psychological potential. Children cannot accomplish the tasks alone, and parents cannot accomplish the tasks for the child. The parent-child relationship is crucial in the successful movement of the child through the process. Families provide an environment that is stable, safe and nurturing, and which stimulates and encourages the child in his growth. This environment provides reasonable expectations and limits that the child needs to feel a sense of accomplishment and security. Children need this support and external limit-setting in order to cope with the challenge and inevitable frustrations inherent in the developmental process. Children who do not receive this support from their parent become confused, insecure, and lacking in self-esteem.
Social workers need to be able to distinguish between normal age-appropriate behaviors, and those behaviors that indicate an unmet developmental need. Since the physical, emotional, and physiological aspects of the child’s development are so interrelated, delays in one aspect often affect subsequent development in other areas. Since some of the most crucial developmental milestones occur early in the child’s life, early deprivation of appropriate stimuli and nurturance has the potential for severe long-term effects.
Stages in Child Development
Age |
Emotional7 |
Physical, Cognitive, and Language8 |
0 - 18 months |
Sense of Trust (trust in others) This grows out of consistent, reliable physical care from one nurturing caregiver. Poor, inconsistent care or multiple placements can undermine. If this sense of trust in others is lacking, there is much difficulty moving into next stage. |
- The child discriminates among various stages of discomforts. (hungry, wet, tired) - Picks up objects - Sits, crawls, stands walks - Vocalizations - Imitates speech, understands commands |
18 months - 3 years |
Sense of autonomy (trust in self) This grows out of child’s opportunity to make age-appropriate choices, and be separate from caregiver for brief periods with confidence. Excessively harsh or permissive treatment can prevent development of sense of autonomy. Loss of caregiver or sequential caregivers can severely stunt development. Without this sense of autonomy, children cannot learn to trust themselves |
- Jump, run, climb - Learns to dress self with help - Toilet training - Solitary or parallel play - Vocabulary grows significantly - Asks and answers questions |
3 - 6 years |
Sense of initiative (right and wrong) By risks taking, observing, imitating, and fantasizing, a sense of personal initiative develops. By experimenting with behaviors, child develops a growing sense of right and wrong. Inconsistent caregivers inhibit this process, and punitive treatment leads to excessive guilt and feelings of worthlessness. |
- Proficiency in self care - Magical thinking - Begins cooperative play - Physically aggressive - Increased motor skills - Increasing vocabulary (2,000 words by age 5) |
6 - 10 years |
Sense of industry (conscience development). Through relationships, child learns a sense of accomplishment and an ability to problem-solve. Without consistent encouragement and support the child can feel defeated, discouraged, and inferior. |
- Substantial increase in motor skills - Learns to learn: read, write, basic math, etc. - Screens out distractions - Friendships with peers - Issues of fairness |
10 - 18 years |
Sense of identity (finding own place in the world). By building on all prior developmental stages, the child learns to see their abilities realistically and to develop their talents and interests in preparation for adult life. When prior stages have been inhibited or stunted, identity remains confused and full maturity cannot be achieved. |
- Sexual development - Physical growth - Emotional changes - Increased skills - Identity with peers - Emancipation process |
Adapted from Concurrent Planning: From Permanency Planning To Permanency Action.9
For the most part, initial bonding occurs between the infant and his primary caregiver. This may be the birth parent, foster parent, adoptive parent, or other primary caregiver. Neither gender nor blood ties of the caregiver are as important as the attachment between the caregiver and the child. For the child, when that attachment is broken a tremendous loss occurs, similar in effect to the death of a parent. Children respond to this separation in many different ways. Responses may vary from severe depression to almost no reaction in children who have been emotionally neglected and have little attachment to their parent. Children in foster care who have experienced multiple moves are less likely to show a marked reaction to subsequent moves and resulting separation from caregivers. These children have developed a defense against the pain of repeated loss, and simply do not allow themselves to become emotionally connected to another caregiver. This lack of attachment will insulate them from the psychological pain of another separation. Unfortunately, this lack of attachment to the new caregiver also increases their chances of yet another change in placement.
Attachment is essential for all children. When a child has a strong and healthy attachment to his parent or caregiver, it allows him to develop both trust in others and reliance on himself. That supportive environment allows the child to negotiate the various stages of development listed above. Without attachment to a continuously present, nurturing adult, a child’s core self is damaged, and the child is unable to fully develop emotionally and psychologically. The results are that we as social workers encounter children with very little conscience, poor impulse control, low self-esteem, poor peer relationships, and learning deficiencies. For the most part, these children will grow up to be parents whose own needs overshadow their ability to support and nurture their children. Many children who enter the foster care system have come from families in which the needs of the parents overshadowed those of the child. This has made it difficult for these children to learn to achieve a healthy balance between needs for dependency and autonomy.10
In A Child’s Journey through Placement, Dr. Vera Fahlberg describes three stages that children (ages 6 months - 4 years) may go through when they are removed from parents or other caregivers to whom they are well attached.
• Initially the child may vigorously protest the separation. The child may try to recover the loss by searching for the parent, such as looking out the door or window to see them.
• The child continues to be watchful, but is less hopeful of regaining the former caregiver. He may exhibit signs of preoccupation or depression, yet quickly responds to the sound of cars or doors, expecting the lost caregiver.
• The child emotionally gives up, becomes detached and disinterested in caregivers.
Unfortunately, when young children withdraw from their new caregivers, it is not unusual for the adults to also withdraw from the child. This is to protect themselves from the feelings of inadequacy that may result from the unresponsiveness of the child. It is crucial for the social worker to work closely with both the child and the foster parent/caregiver to identify a normal grieving process and to help the caregiver patiently nurture the child.
In older children (4 years and older) a pattern of grieving can be discerned that closely follows the more widely accepted model of the stages of grief.
Stage of Grief |
Identifier |
Shock |
Shock and Denial is most prominent when separation is abrupt. The child may emotionally shut-down and physically withdraw. The child may seem numb, mechanical. This is a normal reaction to emotional trauma. |
Denial |
Child may be prone to sleep and appetite disturbances as well as loss of attention span. Nightmares and forgetfulness is common. Diversion of energy to deal with intense pain leaves little energy left to process current environment. The child may have feelings of responsibility for events. |
Anger |
Children may act out, or turn anger inward (possibly self-destructive). Anger is commonly directed to others (foster parent, worker, etc.). Any minor request or event may be answered with an angry outburst. The child may run away. |
Bargaining |
Magical thinking; attempts to ‘fix’ situation with “if.........., then I promise.............”statements. |
Sadness/Despair |
Child will appear sad, possibly withdrawn. Tears may flow freely. Boys may have difficulty moving through this stage, and get “stuck” in expressing anger. |
Resolution |
Acceptance is on emotional level. Child may not like situation, but can accept it. Child should have increasing amounts of energy available to address developmental issues, including growth and change. |
Social workers must be willing and capable of identifying and addressing the child’s emotional needs. It is important that the child receive permission to express his feelings and validation of those feelings. Statements like “don’t be sad," “everything is going to be all right”, or “it’s not your fault”, are not helpful. They do not lessen the child’s pain, and may be a reflection of the adult’s lack of comfort with the intense emotion surrounding the situation. Empathic comment such as “most kids are really scared when they move into a new home like this,” acknowledges the child’s feelings and sends the message that such feelings are normal. This may give the child permission to talk about those feelings.
It is important to be honest with children when they come into foster care. Social workers do not have answers to all the questions that children raise. So many variables influence the short- and long-term outcomes of the child’s placement, what is true for today may not be true tomorrow. Children should be involved in the planning process to the fullest extent reasonable given their age and maturity. The social worker should have frequent contact and should share information with the child, especially during the early stages of the placement. By showing the child support for his feelings and demonstrating that adults can be trustworthy, the social worker is establishing an environment for the child to begin to form new attachments.
7 Erik Erikson. (1950) Childhood and Society. New York: W. W. Norton and Co., Inc.
8 Vera Fahlberg. (1982). Child Development. National Resource Center for Special Needs Adoption.
9 The above chart addresses developmental issues globally, and is not intended to be an in-depth guide for informing good social work practice. You are urged to take a more in-depth look at developmental issues. An excellent resource for this undertaking is A Child’s Journey Through Placement, by Vera Fahlberg, (1991). Perspectives Press, P. O. Box 90318, Indianapolis, IN., 46290-0318.
10 Op. Cit., Vera Fahlberg, Attachment and Separation, (1979).
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For questions or clarification on any of the policy contained in these manuals, please contact your local county office. |
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